40-year-old man refuses to babysit his sister’s gentle-parented kids, and she calls him “selfish” and a “terrible person”: ‘I don’t want them causing chaos to my family’s peaceful life’

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 23, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

When is it okay not to meet family's expectations?

We should make an effort to help our family members whenever we can if we have a good relationship with them. At least I believe that. Family members have helped me in moments of need when they didn't have any reason to, and I learned a lot from them. I learned that a hand is a beautiful thing to give to someone else, and that you can fundamentally change a person's life without knowing it by doing that. I know I'm getting too romantic here, but I just wanted to state that, because I believe we should make sacrifices for other people; otherwise, helping would not be helping; it would all be a transactional matter. That said, I don't think that's what's happening here, lol. Sometimes, we do have to protect our peace and identify when we're being used or taken advantage of.

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  • woman kissing baby
    via Humberto Chávez

    The sister with her kids

    Subjects are models

  • AITAH for refusing to babysit my nieces and nephews?

    I 40M have a wife (40F) and we have 2 kids (8F, 4M). My sister (38F) and her husband (38M) have 3 children (12M, 9F, 6M).
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  • My sister is very much a permissive parent, she has tried gentle parenting but she very quickly fell into the trap of permissive parenting. Her husband
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  • tries to enforce more boundaries and rules but she always says no and tell him that their kids will resent them if they have too many rules. Look it's
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  • none of my buisness how my sister parents but it's very easy to notice that her kids behaviour is a direct reflection of their mothers parenting. The
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  • week because my mum didn't have a charger for my nephews Ipad. My sisters kids don't listen to the word no, they can be really ride towards everybody. My 12 year old
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  • nephew swears 24/7. The younger 2 kids swear too sometimes. If they ever complain about a rule, my sister give them what they want to avoid making them upset. They have constant access to their devices.
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  • lego blocks all over floor
    via Markus Spiske

    The chaos the kids leave after them

    Images is a recreation.

     

  • Don't get me wrong, my sister isn't neglectful, the kids are safe, loved and all their basic needs are met. But my sister can not set boundaries. Their house is constantly loud and
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  • stressful. My own kids don't really like being around them, they prefer spending time with their other cousins who actually have been raised with boundaries. My sister and her husband
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  • got a last minute call from her husband's mum who lives in Wales. My brother in-laws grandmother isn't doing well so my brother in law wants to go and see her which is understandable. My sister wants to go with him. They
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  • will be gone for a week and they need a babysitter. They asked me cause I have the least amount of kids compared to my siblings who all have 3 or more kids, so my sister figured that it would be easiest for me to look after
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  • my nieces and nephews. Since my parents are both working full time, whilst I work from home and my wife is a stay at home mum. Logistically it does. make the most sense for me and my wife to babysit all 3 kids and I understand
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  • my sister and her husband are desperate for someone to babysit. But...I really just do not want to babysit my nieces and nephews. Firstly, my house isn't exactly small but it's cozy and not really
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  • comfortable for 7 people to live in this house. I don't want my house to be trashed for a week. I have to work from home and I need a calm environment. My kids don't want their cousins here because their cousins can be really r de
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  • and mean to them and they don't like to share with anybody. My wife doesn't deserve to have to look after 3 more kids who literally can not tolerate the word no. And overall...I just do not want to their behaviour in my
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  • boy yelling
    via Xia Yang

    One of the mischievous kids

    Image is representative

  • household, I don't want them causing chaos to my family's peaceful life. I told my sister no but I phrased my reasoning a little bit nicer. Cause I had to be honest but I also couldn't be too mean. Now
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  • my sister is calling me selfish and apparently I'm a terrible person for refusing to babysit because my sister and her husband have a valid reason for needing me to babysit their kids.
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  • I feel sorry for the kids, because I know what it's like to be raised in an unusual household and then get rejected by other kids because you’re, naturally, weird, but of course, this is not the brother’s responsibility. When I first started reading this, I thought he didn’t have any kids, but he has two, and I can understand why taking care of three more kids can feel like a nightmare come true. Sadly, it’s not his responsibility; even if the kids weren’t chaotic, it’s still too many kids. And as for disappointing the sister, you can’t keep everyone happy all the time.

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